A Lack of Sentimentality

Today I am thankful for a lack of sentimentality.

That sounds weird, I know, but in the past at midnight I have felt kinda sad and sentimental about the permanent closing of another year. This year, though, I'm really glad to see 2008 go. It's been a hard year in a lot of ways, and I feel that 2009 is going to be incredibly exciting. I'm glad that I didn't even notice when the clock struck 12:00, because this year I don't want to feel sentimental or sad. I want to be excited about the coming months and about what God is going to do in my life during this year!

P.S. This post was actually written after midnight (obviously), but I want the date to be accurate on the blog, so I'm going to say it was really written on the 31st. : )

A Fresh Start

Today I am thankful for a fresh start.

Susannah and I have been working hard the last two days to completely reorganize and clean our room, bathroom and closet. I have needed a place in this house where I could go and be able to keep something clean and organized, and as of today, my room can be that place. My sisters have committed to helping keep things neat and in place, and it's doing wonders for my attitude. I wish that our whole house could be like that, but for today I am simply grateful for a couple of rooms.

P.S. The Hogs beat #4 Oklahoma tonight...I can always be thankful for that! : )

This Week

Today I am thankful for this week.

It's the Monday of my last week before life gets crazy. I have no idea what's going to happen this week - it may be the most boring week of my life - but I'm just thankful that I don't have to go to school today, or tomorrow, or the next day...you get the point. : )

My Family

Today I am thankful for my family.

I'm forcing myself to write today's post about this, because today has been a day when I haven't felt very thankful at all for my family. I'm really struggling to still be living at home as a 21-year old almost-grad school graduate. It's hard having the schedule that I do and trying to mesh it with the schedule of my family at the house, and it's making me crazy. I brought all of that up to my dad as a request to find a way for me to have my own bedroom, but he turned it into a dramatic family conversation that caused many people to stay mad at me for the rest of the day. I guess I should be grateful that I even have a family to live with and to fight with. Some people are stranded somewhere mourning the loss of every member of their family, and here I am complaining because mine is too big and too close to me. Today I NEED to be thankful for my family.

A Day at Home

Today I am thankful for a day at home.

We've been so busy for so long it seems, and today it was a blessing just to be able to stay home and relax a bit. I know that in just over a week, my life is going to become incredibly busy again, so for now I am going to be grateful to sit and stop.

The End of Christmas

Today I am thankful for the end of Christmas.

More than ever this year, I have been overwhelmed with the way that the Christmas season transforms people. Sure, for some people it makes them more aware of the needs of others and more desiring to show their love to those people, but for others it becomes such a materialistic time. I was out shopping today with my mom, and I was just amazed at the people pouring into the stores trying to get more and more and more stuff. I would imagine that these same people received gift after gift just the day before, but they still wanted, and thought they needed more. The stores take advantage of this materialism with bigger and better sales and promotions, and it's just so discouraging to me. Here the day before we were supposedly celebrating Christ's humility and sacrifice in leaving Heaven to become human, and yet now we're trying to build ourselves up with more possessions, better clothes, etc. I know we have this same attitude throughout the year, but it seems amplified at Christmas for some reason, and so today I am grateful that this season of the year is coming to an end.

Celebration of The Day

Today I am thankful for the celebration of the day.

I love the Relient K song that says "I celebrate the day that You were born to die so I might one day pray for You to save my life." That phrase truly represents the praise that we should be offering to the Lord on Christmas. He came...to die...for our salvation. Christmas isn't just about a cute baby boy in a manger bed with cows mooing around him; it's about our Savior coming to earth in human form, knowing that within a short time He would be persecuted and put to death so that His love and gift of salvation could be poured out to many undeserving sinners like me. Lord, I am grateful that we are able to celebrate this day - without Your sacrifice, this day would be nothing more than another day for us to fall short of Your glory.

A Baby's Sneeze

Today I am thankful for a baby's sneeze.

During a Scripture reading at the Christmas Eve service tonight, the McCullom's baby sneezed into the microphone at the point in the story where Christ was being born. Pastor Mike said something about how Christ was fully human and that sneezing was not the only sound that was heard in the stable that night. It served as such a simple reminder that when Christ came to earth, He really and truly became human, and for that tremendous sacrifice (on my behalf!) I am incredibly grateful.

My Music

Tonight I am thankful for my music.

In a time of my life when I can have so many emotions running through my head at any minute, music seems to be a place where I can go where I don't have to worry about what people think of what I'm saying. I'm able to speak through my music in a way that helps me release emotion, but in a way that still keeps everything private from anyone who is listening. I find myself singing, playing the piano, or even just listening to or typing lyrics, and all of those things really help to refresh and renew my spirit. I'm not talking about secular music or anything, because those words don't mean a lot to my heart, but songs that have been written by true followers of Christ - songs that express thoughts and desires and beliefs that echo the same things I'm going through with the Lord - that kind of music does wonders for my soul. Thank You, God, for my passion for music.

A Conversation

Today I am thankful for a conversation.

It's been so long without a decent conversation with Ryan, that I find myself truly grateful for even a brief talk on Facebook. At the begging of my sisters, I finally closed the "stalker box" this morning, and thus wasn't able to keep tabs as easily on when he logged off/logged on/started typing to me, etc. I was about to log off myself when suddenly, look who sent me a message?! He was just asking about a game-used football that I was trying to get for him, but then instead of ending the conversation as has become the custom, we actually got to have a decent conversation for a few minutes. We talked about my desire to go on a mission trip sometime soon, and now he knows that I've been praying about God's direction in the Perspectives class (so he should know that if I sign up, it's not for his benefit). Like I said, it was a brief conversation, but it was a real conversation that included more than one-word responses from him every five minutes. I'm going to sleep a whole lot better just knowing that we can still have an okay conversation, and I'm grateful for that. I think I'm finding it easier to lose my hopes of having a "more-than-friends" relationship with him (even though the desire's still there to an extent), but my sorrow in losing our friendship is still very much there. That conversation tonight helped me feel like that friendship can return...a glimpse of hope is what I am grateful for tonight.

P.S. Happy 13th Birthday, Joseph! I'm thankful for you, too! : )

My Christmas Tree

Today I am thankful for my Christmas tree.

I've been looking for it all month, and finally Joseph remembered that he had put it outside on the porch. Silly boy. Oh well, it's in my room now and it has my few "teacher gift" ornaments on it, and it adds a nice little homey feel to the room. I don't know what it is about lamps and tiny little lights on a tree, but it gives off some sort of glow that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Silly, but I can be silly and grateful at the same time.

Other People's Money

Today I am thankful for other people's money.

I know, that sounds really bad, but it was fun getting to go shopping today knowing that I didn't have to spend my own money. I love buying gifts for other people and seeing their reactions as they open those gifts, but unfortunately this year, I can't afford to buy a whole lot. Because Bradley was busy in Tahlequah with Caitlin, though, I got to spend four hours shopping for everything he wanted to buy for Christmas gifts this year. I spent so much money...and yet none of it was mine! Plus, I still get to enjoy seeing everyone's reactions because I picked those gifts out for them. Probably confusing to the average reader, but it's something that I'm grateful for.

My Last Day

Today I am thankful for my last day.

It was harder than I thought to leave my group of kids at George and Central JHS, but I'm glad it's all over in a way. I'm ready for a break from the school life and a time to relax and refocus is going to be good. The end of this "era" is good, too, because it causes me to reflect on what I've learned over the past 18 weeks. I've learned why I want to be a teacher, and at the same time I've learned why there's a good chance that I don't want to be a teacher. I'm eager to sort it all out next semester, but for now, I'm simply grateful that I made it through!

P.S. Carlos passed his retake of his final exam today, and so he got his poster of Paris. I am so grateful today for the smile that was on his face as he left our room with that poster! I'm gonna miss him a lot...

First Period

Today I am thankful for first period.

They made an 'A' average on their final this morning, and then proceeded to actually behave for the whole two and a half hours they had to stay in our classroom. Granted, we surprised them with a pizza party towards the end of the time, but still, they're such a great group of kids. I have been blessed to have them at the beginning of every day, because otherwise, I might have started every day with a really bad attitude! The Lord definitely knew that I needed them this semester, and for that I am grateful.

My Savior

Today I am thankful for my Savior.

I am thankful for Him every day, but tonight at church made me especially thankful. We had a blend of Christmas music and what one might call traditional Easter music as well. We sang "Hallelujah! What a Savior" and I felt like crying tears of joy, sadness, etc. The line "in my place condemned He stood" really hits me when I'm paying attention to it. I deserved to be the one on that cross, and yet sinless, He took my place because of His love for me. We took the Lord's Supper as we sang that song, and I was overwhelmed with gratefulness for my Savior's love for me.

A Good Conversation

Today I am thankful for a good conversation.

I made an effort to talk to Amy Balch tonight, and I'm glad that I did. I have felt somewhat jealous towards her lately because it seems Ryan has become better friends with her while seemingly refusing to act like my friend at all. That's been hard for me, and although I haven't intentionally avoided talking to her, I hadn't said hi to her in a while. We got to talk for a few minutes at BSF, though, and it was good to see that we're not weird around each other at all. What a relief!

Another Finished Semester

Today I am grateful for another finished semester.

This was the first Monday in a while that I haven't had classes on campus, and it was nice not to have to endure that. I did have one more huge project to finish up before I could get my final grades, but I had time to do that during classes today at the schools. Wow, it feels good to be done. Only 16 weeks to go...

UBC

Today I am thankful for UBC.

We had our Christmas choir presentation today, and it blessed me far more than I expected. I also got to play for the girls' ensemble, which was amazing. I've been wanting to play in church there, so it was really fun to get to do that. Then Pastor Mike remembered to introduce me to the church as a candidate for membership and lots of people came and gathered around me. My dad gave me a hug and told me he loved me right as we began to pray to end the service. Then I got to hang out with the Scarbrough girls at lunch and afterwards. I wouldn't have had those opportunities if it weren't for getting to know them through UBC. I am so blessed to be there.

Africa Cookies

Today I am thankful for Africa cookies.

I spent all day making them, so I suppose I should be grateful for them. I ended up with 35 cookies shaped like Africa, and although my back is aching because it took so long to make them, they kept me busy and allowed me to do my part in sharing in the North Africa trip.

Lyrics

Today I am thankful for lyrics.

Some people just know how to put words down on paper in a way that means something to me. I love to write, but I don't have the ability to write musical lyrics like others do. I'm better at writing honest thoughts down, but conveying my feelings in a lyrical way is difficult. When I read the words of others, though, often times those words convey exactly what is in my heart, or sometimes they challenge me in regard to something that is going on in my heart. I love putting portions of those lyrics in my Facebook status as a reminder to myself of what I am professing to the Lord when I sing those songs to Him. Those words are often also useful as a powerful witness to God's greatness, so Facebook, where many of my friends who see it are non-believers, is also a great witnessing tool with those lyrics as well! What a blessing!

Choir

Today I am thankful for choir.

We had our dress rehearsal tonight, and although it was exhausting after an already-long day, it was so much fun. I am absolutely loving being a part of that choir and having the opportunity to worship the Lord with others in such a (usually) melodic way!

Time Not Wasted

Today I am thankful for time not wasted.

I agreed to go over and help Megan with her French final tonight, but by the time it rolled around, I was really dreading having to go over there. It was late after an exhausting day and choir practice, and I just really wanted to go home. I felt sorry for her, though, and I had agreed to do it, so I went. As it turned out, though, God intended for me to help her out with more than French. Drew broke up with her on Friday and she is really devastated right now, but because of my recent situation with Ryan, I was able to talk/listen, and help her out a little bit I think. In the process, though, she was able to help me out, too, which is really cool. I was expecting to consider that a wasted evening, but as it turned out, it was a lot of time not wasted at all.

Facebook Chat

Today I am thankful for Facebook Chat.

Kinda weird, I know, but it occupied my time tonight for a good long time. I talked to Lauren forever, and she was able to cheer me up a lot. It seems so simple, but sometimes it's good to just be thankful for the really simple things.

People Who Care

Today I am thankful for people who care.

I experienced teachers today who care enough about me to give me an 'A' even if I have a 90.8 when an 'A' requires a 91. I had a teacher who gave me a Christmas gift and then let me go home early because I felt badly. I had a fellow intern who also gave me a Christmas gift and then cared enough to hang out with me for a while. I had Caroline who asked me to play for the women's program tonight, which I loved being able to do. I had Lauren and Megan hang out with me all night, write me notes and let me talk about Ryan as much as I wanted. I had Lauren tell me stuff about Ryan that I needed to know...just because she cared. I had a sister willing to talk to me on my way home so that I wouldn't fall asleep. I had a lot of people care about me today, and I'm glad that I started this blog to remind me of how much I really was blessed today.

"Pour-Out-Your-Heart" Prayers

Today I am thankful for "Pour-Out-Your-Heart" Prayers.

I am feeling the need tonight to cry out to God...about a lot of stuff. I'm having the hardest time giving over my friendship with Ryan because of the very real desires in my heart right now. I'm feeling more and more burdened about mission work in my near future, and I'm wishing so badly that I had signed up to go to North Africa over the Christmas break. There is so much that I want in life right now, and all of it is so close, but yet still out of reach. It's really hard - but God is still there ready to hear my prayers. He already knows my heart and He already has a plan for working out all of the details of my life; however, it's still nice to know that I can pour out my heart to Him just the same. There may be a lot of tears associated with this prayer tonight, but I am still so grateful for that opportunity.

God's Grace

Today I am thankful for God's grace.

I was on my way home tonight and started praying about my difficult situation with Ryan right now. Before I knew it, I was pouring out my heart to God and giving the situation over to Him completely. I thought I did that a long time ago, but I'm realizing that I was still trying to orchestrate the situation according to my own heart's desire. The beauty of it through all that, though, is that God's grace has protected me during that orchestration by causing Ryan to back off for some unknown reason. Anyways, I have surrendered it all to God now and it's in His hands. It's been there all along, but I have been trying to act like it was in my own hands. Even in that selfishness, God's grace has kept me, and for that I am grateful.

Jessica

Today I am grateful for Jessica.

She's the closest thing to a best friend I've ever had, and I love her dearly. It's funny considering the difference in our age and progress in school that we're so close, but God has bound us together and even the fact that we never see each other anymore has broken our friendship. I am so grateful for every single conversation that I have with her, and I'm grateful to God for providing me with the exact kind of friend that I need right now!

Finished Assignments

Today I am grateful for finished assignments.

It took all semester to learn about it and all night to put it together at the last minute, but my assessment portfolio is done! I'm going to be grateful for sleep very soon, but at the moment, I am grateful that the end of the semester is very much in sight.

Job Possibilities

Today I am thankful for job possibilities.

I went by Family Christian Stores today to turn in my application, and received a hearty "I'll highly recommend you to my manager" from the assistant manager. I have always wanted to work at that store, and it looks like they could really use me right now. I'm praying that God will give me this opportunity, but I know that if He doesn't, He'll have something better in store for me. For the moment, though, I am thankful for the possibility.

My French Students

Today I am thankful for my French students.

I got to go to literacy night tonight and watch/hear them sing three Christmas carols in French. We were hoping for 15 students, and I think we ended up with 40 of them being there. Even though they struggled through the songs, and even though they were unhappy about having to stand on the stage, I loved every minute of hearing them sing. That is a memory that will stick with me, and I am thankful for that!

God's Promises

Today I am thankful for God's promises.

I talked to Ryan for the first time in a while, and it was a really disjointed conversation...again. I don't understand what happened with the kind of friendship that we were experiencing, but it breaks my heart that that seems to be gone now. Even after that conversation, though, I was able to remember and rely upon God's promises. He is enough in my life, and no matter what I think I want or need to make me truly happy, God is always going to be enough and I should be satisfied in Him. I am thankful for that promise, and for that reminder.

Snow

Today I am thankful for snow.

There's something about watching the snow fall that refreshes my heart. I don't love it when it sticks to the ground....unless, of course, it sticks to the ground long enough for school to be canceled but not long enough for me to be stuck at home all day. Snow is just something really beautiful - even though it causes traffic accidents, and it's really cold and makes things muddy. When it's falling, it's beautiful, and I'm thankful for that beauty.

My Sister

Today I am thankful for my sister.

Susannah and I got to hang out a lot today. We watched Christmas movies, went shopping, created Lauren's Christmas gift, watched football and fell asleep talking through my relationship issues. I don't know what I'd do without her...

Meaning in Life

Today I am thankful for meaning in life.

I watched the Hogs almost lose to LSU today...they ended up winning after all, but the emotion wasn't there for me either way. I guess I've learned that there's more important things in life lately. I absolutely love reading my Bible these days, and I am in love with John Piper books. Those things have awakened me to things with which I was wasting my life, and I don't want to waste my life anymore. Life has meaning for me...and for that I am thankful.

Spud

Today I am thankful for Spud.

His nickname was created today by Mary Lottie (who has now adopted me as her best friend?!), and I love it. We have been friends for 30 days now, and it's been the most blessed friendship I've ever experienced.